Suspiciously Accurate Scale

The Suspiciously Accurate Scale

What kind of information is this? Vital information. When will it be vital? Every day of your life. That's right: vital information for your every day life. The Suspiciously Accurate Scale is how the Sources here at Suspicious Sources rate things that we tell you about. Do not question it.

• E-P-I-C (allcaps) - there will be songs and stories told of how legendarily awesome this thing was. It's epicness will be the stuff of legends! Battlestar Galactica, Firefly, 90% of Avatar, the first 10 minutes of Kung-Fu Panda, 70% of the original Star Wars Trilogy, these are EPICs. Beware, you may be rendered insensible by the overload of Epic.
• BADASS - If you said "Damn, this is good!" after beholding a Badass Thing, you had the proper reaction. Maybe you won't spend weeks of your life thinking about it, or come up with memes that last for years because of it, but it was still pretty damn good.
• WIN - Some things fail, this thing did not. It didn't get any prizes in the Games of Life, but it got a little participation ribbon. Remember those, from field day? We hated field day.
• POPCORN - 80% of entertainment today falls in this category. No, really. Movie, book, game, whatever. It's fun to do while you're also doing something else like playing WoW, eating poppin' corn, talking to friends or avoiding unpleasant obligations.
• FOR TEH LULZ - Like Twilight and any movie by Uwe Boll, a FTLulz is not good, but it has redeeming qualities. You'll never forget the jokes you make when you see a FTLulz movie or flip through a FTLulz novel. Ever. Even if you bleach your cortexes. Really, we tried it.
• SURVIVABLE - You didn't die or gnaw your own arm off to escape this thing, whatever it was. You don't remember it very well because you did slip into a mild coma, but you got better.
• FAIL - The rating rather describes itself, think you not?
• SAND-SUCKER - Whatever else this thing was, it was an evil chronological lamprey that attached itself to the hourglass of your LIFE and started sucking out the sands of time. Consider getting a severe head wound to avoid Sand-Suckers.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot - This rating is reserved for things that fall outside the Suspiciously Accurate Scale's normal range. Whiskey Tango Foxtrots may be so horrible that they become insanely cause they make you insane good or they could just confuse you so badly you want to cut them out of your mind-brain with a shovel. If we issue a Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, be assured, we will tell you why. At length.


Thanks to Source T for her assistance assembling the Suspiciously Accurate Scale. You'll hear more from her (and me) later.